| Parenting
Teens With Love And Logic:Preparing Adolescents For Responsible
Adulthood
The
Myth Of Maturity: What Teenagers Need From Parents To Become
Adults
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SHOULD
I LET MY TEEN ENTERTAIN AT HOME?
(adapted from The Complete Idiot's Guide
to Parenting a Teenager, by Kate Kelly)
There
are lots of advantages to having teenagers come to your house. When
your kids are at home, you know where they are. It's also nice for
young people to feel that you welcome their friends and a good way
to get to know them better. And in many communities teens just don't
have a lot of options for wholesome places to get together.
THERE'S
A PARTY AT MY HOUSE
If
your teenager's friends are coming to your house for a party, here
are some suggestions from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting
a Teenager, by Kate Kelly (Alpha). Don't be put off by the title;
this is a really good book.
- Keep the party small.
20 to 30 kids are probably best. Have your teen make a list of the
young people who are being invited.
- Make a clear rule that crashers
are not welcome. There will always be a few kids who bring an
uninvited friend, but tell your teenager that if too many kids show
up, you'll have to close down.
- Decide together the hours
of the party, especially when it will be officially over. This will help
you answer other parents questions as well as provide some added
control.
- Remind your teen that drugs
or alcohol are unacceptable and if anyone shows up with either one, he
or she will be asked to leave.
- Make it a rule that kids
who come to the party should stay. Young people who leave and return may have
had a drink some place else or be bringing back an illegal substance.
- Be a presence not a monitor.
Float in and out to fill the potato chip bowl or bring more
soda every once in a while.
- Invite another parent
or couple to keep you company and help with chores. They may
also know kids you don't know.
- If the party is going to
be fairly big, you should probably notify your neighbors
and tell them what to expect. Say you'll keep the noise level as
low as possible.
- Be aware of the law
against delivering, selling or giving liquor to a minor. You are
responsible for illegal behavior whether or not the individual has
been under the influence of alcohol.
IF
THE PARTY'S AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE
Calling
people you don't know to ask about their party plans can be awkward.
Kate Kelly suggests calling with an offer to help or to provide some
food for the party. If the parents didn't know about a party, they'll
know now. If they did, they will appreciate your offer and you will
have established a new relationship. Kelley also suggests that you:
- Call a parent who knows
the party giver to find out what the scene is likely to be or to ask if he
or she might be willing to make a call for you about the specific
arrangements.
- Clarify time and transportation
details. How will your teen get to and from the party? Is your help needed?
Make it clear that if your child leaves the party to go somewhere
else, for any reason, he/she is to call you. A call is also mandatory
if your teen wants to arrive home after curfew.
- Remind your teenager never
to ride with someone who has been drinking. Emphasize that he
or she can call you or another adult you agree on at any time if
he or she wants to leave the party and there will be no questions
asked.
- Try to be awake or
awakened when your child comes home. Note: if you get constant
requests to sleep over at a friend's house after a party, be alert
to some potential trouble.
(adapted
from Work & Family Life newsletter, edited by Susan Ginsberg)
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