HALEY, age: 12
I think that I’m old enough to go places with my friends without an adult. My mother won’t let me go to the mall or the movies unless she goes or my friend’s mom goes.

LORI, mother
Haley is a bright and responsible girl but she is only 12 years old. I worry that if I let her go on public outings without adult supervision something might happen. There are so many possible negative influences and dangers in today’s world. I know she wants more independence but I am concerned for her safety.

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR:
Lori, as a mother and educator, I can relate to your concerns. We imagine all kinds of things happening to our kids when they have proper supervision even with the most responsible children. My feeling is twelve is still too young to be out unsupervised.

Growing up and becoming responsible is a gradual process that involves kids taking steps forward and steps backwards. My opinion is to trust your gut feeling. If a situation sounds risky to you, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

It’s crucial to keep honest and honest communication with your daughter. Explain to her the risks and dangers of the world. Teach her that while most people have good intentions, there are individuals who want to hurt or take advantage of kids. Let her know people may not allows be what they seem. Also be sure to speak to your child about drugs, drinking, smoking and sex. Be specific that you don’t want her participating in these things and don’t assume that she already know that. Have a plan so that she can reach you at any time to come to pick her up.
Haley, I understand that you want to be independent and go out on your won. Talk to your mom about your feelings and why you think you’re ready to go out with an adult. Your mother loves you and wants to keep you safe. She’s not trying to spoil you fun and ruin your social life. If mom says no to a public outing perhaps you can agree to have her come along or have your friends to your home. Remember the way to built trust with your mom is to follow her rules, honor her wishes and always be honest with her. The supervision won’t last forever. Be grateful to have a mom who cares so much for you.

Louise Hajjar Diamond has been a guidance counselor for twelve years. She is also a freelance writer and mother of two.